Book Summary and Reflection

Book Summary and Reflection: Sherry Turkle’s Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other

This review may seem a little ironic considering my last blog touted the benefits of educational technology. However, there is a sometimes-convoluted understanding of technology and its relationship with humanity, and it is worthwhile taking a deeper look into it for our own understandings of technology and to identify the best ways to incorporate it into our lives. By identifying our goals, we can more easily maintain a healthy level of technology personally, academically, and professionally.

Sherry Turkle, clinical psychologist and professor at MIT, knows the benefits technology has granted humanity. At the same time, as a psychologist she easily identifies the hazards associated with how we perceive and operate that technology. In her book, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, Turkle offers the reader a comprehensive list of social technology through its evolution beginning with the social robots we grew to love in the 90’s such as Tamagotchis and Furbies, to social media applications like MySpace and Facebook (keep in mind that she completes her first edition in 2009, so newer apps are not mentioned but the concerns run parallel). With each example of technology, Turkle offers her observations of how humans of all ages interact and react in different technological scenarios.

Over the years, Turkle has completed several studies that include children using social robots for play, teenagers using social media to connect with their peers, and adults using video games and email for escapism and connection. The correlation that Turkle identifies in all her observations is that the basic desire for most people using social technology is connection. According to Turkle, humanity has become complacent in the relationships we build with one another, and technology grants us the ability to connect with the level of commitment we are willing to provide—not much at all. Through texts, emails, and instant messaging we control our need for humanistic contact using the level of presence we deem necessary. At the same time, these methods of connection allow for us to not only split our attention between many contacts simultaneously, but we can shop, scan emails, or book appointments at the same time. Multi-tasking at its best—or worst. According to Turkle, when we split our attention between subjects, while we may be checking off items from our to-do list, we aren’t doing our best work.

According to Turkle, the biggest problem with technology is that we are choosing it over each other, when there is room for both. She suggests creating a balance between real-life real-time communities and social technology. We are all craving attention and connection, and what’s worse, is that it is affecting our children most of all. Learning from their models (their parents), children are not only creating all their connections through technology, but they are missing out on learning critical developmental skills like communication and self-regulation. As parents, we need to ensure our children are receiving the attention they crave through healthy sources so they know how to self-regulate their emotions and interact in person, instead of reaching out into a low-risk environment to fulfill their needs. A world where parents are just as mesmerized by the flashing colours on their phones as their children are lacks stable models for children to observe and learn from.

While Sherry Turkle’s book covers social technology from social robots to social media, the focus of my reflection is on social media because that’s where my personal struggle lies, and I have heard the same struggles identified by some of my closest friends. Social media easily changes from a way to connect with family and friends to the only way to connect with family and friends. Its convenience is one of its greatest benefits. I open Facebook Messenger and see which of my contacts is online, message them, and receive a message back instantly. I can also leave a message at my convenience and my contacts can return that message at their convenience. We used to laugh about playing phone tag. I’d call and leave a message, you’d call back and leave a message, and when we finally made contact, it would give us a chuckle while we began our conversation. Now, life is one continuous back and forth text tag without the cathartic final contact. One of the points from Turkle’s book that struck me personally is that I need to open myself up to give more focused time to friends and family (easier said than done during a pandemic, of course). I’m guilty of multitasking. Talking on the phone while I’m washing dishes (or something of the same caliber), and if I don’t have a task I can complete simultaneously, I prefer to text, email, or instant message. So maybe that’s my starting point. I’ll set a time each week to connect with someone either in person, on the phone, or via video chat, and I will dedicate that time to that person specifically, without multi-tasking. Any takers? I realize that sounds like a small goal, but as a wife, parent, and a student, it really is hard to find a stray hour and it can be overwhelming. I’m sure most of you can agree… although where did you find the time to read this blog? All guilt-trips aside, it’s much easier to do something when you dictate the time and level of attention (and energy) you’re willing to give it.

For me, the biggest problem with social media is that it becomes a diversion when I’m feeling overwhelmed and I don’t want to commit to any one thing. I get stressed and I don’t know where to start so I actually look for a distraction. Social media is just that…a distraction. Mindlessly scrolling through my news feed makes me feel less alone and yet it’s entertaining enough to help me forget my mountainous list of tasks that need completing. To combat this problem, I have recently made myself a social media schedule. I don’t think I need to remove social media entirely because I do think it has its place, but I need to find that balance that Turkle mentions in her book. Between the hours of 8pm and 8am I no longer allow myself social media. Also, if I’m involved in a family activity, my phone is put away out of sight. This isn’t something that everyone can do because of commitments to work or family, but as I spoke with my on-call husband last night, we discussed him turning off all notifications except the ones pertaining to work. He was unaware and surprised by the number of notifications that were on. Check your notifications, and unless you’ve already made an effort to control your settings, you’ll be surprised. As soon as you download an app, it comes with its own notifications—most of them completely unnecessary. For myself, notifications are limited to calls, texts, emails, and my calendar. No social media, I’ll check those notifications at specified times. Which brings me to my next point; in addition to the allotted time window, I have also restricted the amount I check social media in a day to three times, once in the morning, once mid day, and once at the end of the day. I had to make allowances for the technology I need for school, work, and family: Gmail, Word, Google, etc., but social media is something that pulls me away from my commitments and ends up making me feel overwhelmed in the long run. Can you relate? Do you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook? Have you ever checked the amount of time you’re putting into social media? I know Facebook has a time counter, but I’m not sure about other social media applications. Decide if you need to make some changes in your life to balance technology and your relationships more efficiently. If not for yourself, think about your children and family. Are you really connecting with them? Just balance, it’s all about the balance.